culture shock

It is hilarious being with a brand new missionary so far into your mission, because you have totally forgotten about the weird quirks of the area you're in, until they come around and remind you. 

"GEEZ THESE STAIRS ARE SO STEEP! I'M GOING TO FALL ON MY FACE!" yells Sister N every time we encounter stairs. 

"Oh, yeah. I forgot that stairs are unnaturally steep here."

"WHY ARE THERE SO MANY SQUIRRELS HERE?" 

"Ugh. They're the rats of the east. I hate them." 

"WHY DON'T ANY NEW YORKERS BELIEVE IN FENCES?" 

"Guess property is all free game here." 

"We can't go through that door! That's INSIDE THEIR HOUSE!" exclaimed Sister N while tracting. 

"No it's not! It's their porch!' I said. 

"What do you mean it's their porch?" 

"People’s porches here are INSIDE. So you have to walk THROUGH the first door, and across their porch to get to their front door." 

"WHAT IS THE POINT OF THAT?" 

"BECAUSE IT GETS COLD AND PEOPLE LIKE PORCHES, I DON'T KNOW!" 

"Nobody wears shirts here." 

"Cause nobody wears garments." 

"Did you see his TEETH?" 

"He didn't have any."

"Wait, Sister N, don't use that door." 

"Why? It's their front door." 

"Yeah, but they don't use it." 

"What?" 

"Most people here use their side door. Look - the side door has a welcome mat." 

"But the front door has their mail box!" 

"Well, it doesn't make sense to me either but that's just what they do!" 

"Oh my gosh. EVERY door here is ridiculous! The screen door opens on the opposite side of the front door!" 

"....Wow. That's something I actually hadn't noticed." 

"WHY ARE THERE NO STREET LIGHTS? YOU CAN'T SEE ANYTHING!" 

"That is something I have wondered my whole 16 months here!" 

"IT'S FOGGY!" 

"It's foggy every morning, Sister N." 

"IT'S NASTY! THAT MEANS IT'S GOING TO SNOW." 

"No, it means it's New York. Hey! What's that guy taking a picture of?" 

"Probably the NASTY FOG!" 

"It's foggy EVERY MORNING! IT'S A NORMAL OCCURRENCE HERE!" 

"I think this is the first time I've seen the sun since I've gotten here." said Sister N, as we squinted at the unfamiliar sun. 

"Yeah....it's cloudy 90% of the time. I love it." 

"I hate it." 

"I have a sun allergy." 

"I can tan." 

"I. Smell. Awful." 

"You smell like a missionary." 

"I smell like SMOKE! And HOARDER! And POT! And animal AND human poop!" 

"You smell like a missionary." 

"I can't even smell my perfume anymore. And that's a problem!"

"You smell like a missionary." 

"I always wondered why missionaries park like idiots," said Sister N, "And now that I AM one, and I have to back you up? I understand their pain." 

That sums up about 90% of our conversations. 

It. Is. Hilarious.

This week was actually pretty good! 

And blasted insane. 

Seriously, guys. I haven't had a week this insane in a while. It's like the Lord is just throwing all sorts of weirdness at us so that Sister N gets used to it. 

First of all, our investigator relapsed this week.

But we went back the next day, and he had been reading/highlighting the addiction recovery program book. He talked about how he was scared to go to these meetings before, but now he can see how badly he needs these meetings, and how excited he is for them! He said he really feels like at these meetings he not only can help himself, but help others, too. 

We also started teaching a part member family! The wife is a member, and her husband and daughter are not, and they have both expressed a desire to get baptized! We had a couple of visits with them, and we ended up committing both of them to baptism! HURRAY! The date is still in the air, but it's gonna happen. 

We also got asked to go visit a family. I found myself clueless as to what approach to take with them. 

Then I had a brilliant idea! We'll ask for water, they'll let us in, we'll go in, get some water, and ask if we can share a lesson with them!

.....let me tell you what actually went down....

We go to the yard to see two little kids on push scooters eyeing us suspiciously. 

"HI! Is this your home??" I asked cheerfully. 

"Yes....." 

"Okay! Are your parents home?" 

"Yes......" 

...................................

"So....should I just knock on the door and ask for them?" I asked.

"I don't knoooow." 

And he shuffled away on his push scooter. 

I shrugged, and took a step towards the door, and tripped over a branch. 

We got to the front door, and I knock. 

The teenage son answered the door, opening it just enough for me to see his left eye. 

"HI! This is your house, right?" 

"Yeaaaah...." 

"We have a random question....um.....can we come in and get a drink?" 

"Of what? Water?" 

"Yeah." 

"Sure! I'll go get it." 

*slams door*

Sister N and I look at each other. 

"This is so uncomfortable," she said. "I think this is the most uncomfortable moment I've had on my mission." 

"Yeah, this didn't exactly go ask planned." 

The door opened again, and I see an arm poke out holding two water bottles. 

"Hey, thanks! Are your parents home?" 

"Yeah....but they're kind of asleep...." 

"Okay...."
I began to try to have small talk with him as the door began to close inch-by-inch until I could only see half of his left eye. 

"OKAY WELL WE'LL SEE YOU AT CHURCH BYE." I finally said. 

The door slammed quickly. 

"....now what part of that plan seemed like a good idea?" asked Sister N. 

"HEY! It's worked before!" 

They didn't say hi to us at church. 

It was awkward. 

And hilarious. 

Well, I love you all! Crazy to think I've been out 16 months. I have a lot of mixed feelings about that. 

Hurrah for Israel!

Sister Stimpson